Mi vida - un libro

The road I have written.
Daily I find myself imagining my life as a movie- or a book:

Hope woke up that morning with an unsettled feeling in her stomach and chest. She sat up and took several deep breaths in and out.. The day before seemed a blurr. Had she really quit her job? And not only that but quit her job with no other immediate prospects?

The day prior had proven to be a very pivotal day for Hope. Sitting in her car on her lunch break and sobbing on the phone to her boyfriend saying "I feel like I've hit the tip of the iceberg. I need to leave this place." By the end of that shift Hope had handed in her two weeks notice, uncertain if it had been 'just' and emotional decision that she would regret.

Somehow narrating my life as if it were in a book or a movie makes it seem safe and certain. There is a narrator, a story, so of course somebody has to know whats going to happen...right? But, when I think about it more I realize that, I am the narrator and the writer- but I don't know what is going to happen next, or even how to make the next Chapter more interesting, or more productive, or better.

The Vibram Experience Continues

It appears as though fall may have finally arrived here in Tucson Arizona. It was around 55 degrees when I went out for my run this morning. There is nothing like coming home to a cozy home and a warm shower after a run in the cool outdoors, and there is nothing like experiencing fall after possibly one of Arizona's hottest summers yet.
Today I did not running in my vibrams although I am sporting them as I write this and eat breakfast. Tuesday, however, I went out for my four mile run and afterwards experimented with barefoot running! I only ran for about a minute then I sat down on a curb to wriggle my way into my vibs. As I was putting them on, a ma came along the trail with his two dogs whom I of course had to pet and make cooing noises with (luv the fluff!). He then, of course, asked me about my shoes! I was impressed with myself as I was able to explain to the somewhat skeptical man the philosophy behind Vibrams. "The idea is" I told him "that our feet have been cramped in shoes our whole lives and not been able to live up to full potential. When we use out regular running shoes we have so much added cushioning on the heel that we strike it harder and more frequently than we should thus causing knee and back problems. With toe shoes you are forced to use the muscles of your feet to land softly and not on your heel, therefore avoiding the painful heel striking." I'm not sure I converted him, but hey atleast I know why I'm trying to running in these funny things :-)
After talking with the pleasant fellow II only walked a little in my vibs around the park before heading home, my run wore me out. But poco a poco I'll get there :-)

The Vibram Experience

Today I am an official owner of those funky looking shoes with toes. It took some convincing, but after conversing with different people (especially my sis) that have taken the time to become acclimated to 'bare foot' running, they have convinced me that I will likely not want to return to my regular running shoes after having the Vibram Experience. :-) Thus, after spending about an hour at The Running Shop and agonizing over whether to get the bright orange and pink shoes or perhaps lace ups, I walked out with my very own light gray with green accent Vibrams. I have to say, after simply wearing them for a couple hours my feet love em! I can't wait to take them out for a nice long run!

Being aware that getting use to these shoes can be difficult, I decided to do a little research on how to best approach learning how to run in these new wiggleable shoes. On the vibram shoe website they actually have a guide on how to approach using these shoes. I have decided that attempt an exercise patience (something I am also exercising in my post college life) and follow their guide below:

A) First two weeks you do foot exercises they provide for you along with wearing your shoes 1 - 2 hours daily.
B) The third and fourth weeks I am to continue with the exercises and run only 10% of my regular runs (so about .50 miles) but no more than once every day
C) Week five through twelve I am to increase my distance gradually week by week (10% each week)
C) Finally after week thirteen they recommend experimenting with distance

So, I am reading this thinking "Well there goes my plan to be able to even run two miles with Ann when I see her in San Francisco in 3.5 weeks!" But we will see. Perhaps I will be crazy and do a little running before the plan dictates.

What I am liking most so far of this Vibram Experience is the emphasis on listening to your body. In their guidelines (which are found on the Vibram website under running) they repeatedly emphasis the importance of listening to you body saying "Please listen to your body every step of the process." I wonder, how many people actually sit back and really listen to their bodies?

Throughout my post high school life I have had a growing desire to become more conscious of my body and its needs, of listening to it. Am I hungry? If so, what does my body want to eat? Am I sleepy and need a nap? Or maybe I just need to get moving to wake up. These are common body mind negotiations I have on a regular basis. I have learned much over the past few years, but have not mastered it and still find it can be difficult to listen to, hear what my body is saying, and then act accordingly. Sometimes, even after I know what my body may need, I do not deliver. Thus I have decided to document my Vibram Experience as and exercise in the process of caring for and listening to my body while getting use to the crazy comfy and light shoes.
Vibram ends their guide to using the toe shoes with this:

"Love You Run. Listen To Your Body. Tread Lightly. Start With Your Feet."

So..to start....some feet exercises.

Empty Space

Since I graduated from the University of Arizona this past May my life has changed quite a bit, and yet stayed the same. Today I find myself acutely aware of my position in life. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood. It is an uncomfortable, exciting & foreboding place of transition.

Now, instead of school and two jobs I simply have two jobs, the same two jobs I have held for the past 3 & 4 years. I'm not allowed to stay in these two jobs for much longer am I? After all, they are only temporary ;)

Increasingly, since graduating, I have been having a sense of panic or pressure to move on and up in the world. The voice in my head goes something like this; "Hope, you've graduated college and now it is time to leave these nothing jobs and do something else." Of course the voice is not quite so concise but that is the jist of it. The nagging question though is "What?" What do I do next?

These past months it has been with ease that I've been able to relax. Only work and after I can do whatever with my free time? Awesome. It is amazing how much you appreciate free time after being used to every bit of it being sucked away by work, school, or worrying about school. The luxury of easing back into a comfy chair and simply sitting with no urgent demands can be a mini utopia (It I were to re-write Alanis Morissette's song that would be in there!). Sudoku became an easy companion and after Sudoku I did the book reading thing. Now Netflix is my bud.

My routine lately has been work, come home to cozy up on our futon and watch my current favorite show (right now it is "Raising Hope"), with some occasional job hunting mixed in and cat feeding. I grab a beer, dinner or a snack and kick up my feet. The sensation of resting back and being off my feet & legs after standing all day is one of the most refreshing and glorious feelings. But today feels different. Today relaxation does not come as easy. Yes sitting back and having a beer is nice and I even managed to write a letter before caving and watching a tv show, but today my routine is starting to feel a little more like falling into a lifestyle of laziness & complacency rather than relaxation. My free time feels like a big empty space that needs to be filled with more than tv watching.

If anything this empty space,this time, is a loud reminder of myself. I feel the uncomfortable feeling I had all too often my first couple years of college. Wide open space and time to fill. What to fill it with? Should I clean now? Man, I really don't want to clean. I just want to sit and be mindless. Maybe I could I could...and I can't think of a thing to do. Then I launch into this conversation with myself;

"Hi me." I say "I'm feeling rather awkward & uncomfortable being here by myself. I don't know what I want to do." "What's new? You still the same 'ol Hope?"

Yes I do answer myself - (but please don't tell! ;))

Then I come to two little conclusions

1: Our culture tells us we have got to move up in life, make more money have the glamorous job in order to have the big house and be happy. I use to think that was a myth that our culture believed that, but I feel the burden oh so heavy on my shoulders.

2: Time alone with myself may be uncomfortable now and again when my mind is tired of being mindless- but it results in nifty difty little blog posts such as this ;-) Additionally, it helps me re-touch base with myself as life can whisk me away with all its happenings.

Return To the States

This morning I almost reached my hand to try and find the lighter for our stove but then quickly remembered its an electric stove- no gas, then when I went to put the milk away I turned to place it on the door and realized that's where I put the milk in Orvieto, not here in Tucson. I'm back in Arizona, at least physically. I think my mind takes longer to travel across continents and oceans. It seems as though my mind was barley arriving in Italy and getting settled in when Whoops! Gotta turn around and go back from where you came! I started packing a week before I left Orvieto but now that I'm back in Arizona it seems as tho now I'm actually mentally 'packing up' Orvieto and my time in Italy.

I don't know precisely how to 'pack up' my time. Of course I mean some up my time. I like to look at a situation or time in my life and put a summary on it, a concluding thought. But, I have actually too many scattered thoughts and impressions. Suffice to say, if I could have stayed longer in Italy I would have, but I suppose I have to return to reality at some point. I need to deal with the pile of mail on my desk, the mess of unpacking, and of course the returning to work (thankfully not for another three days).

Something quite wonderful about coming back to Arizona has been coming back to my apartment. How wonderful to return to a place (however small) that's mine, and to already be somewhat settled. Yes I have a 'to do list' but I also have a cozy place and a roommate (with food in the fridge!) to welcome me home. Home...yes perhaps I'm home?


Pictures: me journaling at the train station in Florence while Eugene waited in line to get our tickets and the other one is of Eugene and I in the Colosseum

Post Orvieto Journeys

So its been quite a bit since I've written. This is because my last week in Orvieto was a turbulent hurricane of studying for Italian, taking an AMAZING cooking class, squeezing in some final runs, preparing for my digital photography final, and topped off with a trip to Rome on that Friday to pick up Eugene from the airport. *phew*! It was a lot and went by so fast.

Since leaving Orvieto Eugene and I have journeyed to Venice and then to Florence where I now sit. Tomorrow morning we are off to Roma where we will spend our last day and a half in Italy. I am left with mixed emotions about the short remainder of time for our trip. On one hand I look forward to the comfort of familiarity that returning to Tucson brings, even to some extent my job (the monetary aspect at least), and I have found myself day dreaming about running on a treadmill! But I don't feel ready quite yet to go back. I haven't mastered Italian, or spent long luxurious days wondering around a city just to wander and then cozy up in a cafe and journal for hours. I know I have had five weeks in Orvieto to do just this yet I find myself wishing for more. I am soaking up every last bit of aqua frizzante (frizzy water), Italian TV, and loud zooming vespas that I can (and I really don't like the noise vespas make).

Today we visited Pisa. I don't have any pictures uploaded for them yet but please enjoy the ones I have posted from Orvieto (Eugene and I at the farewell dinner), Venice (picture taking from Ponte Academia), and Florence where Eugene was admiring a beautiful (replica) door of the baptistry of the duomo in Firenze.

ciao!

anecdotes/stories

The next few anecdotes/stories are a collection of funny/strange things that have happened to me while being here. A couple are excerpts from my journal.

First story: On our way back to Orvieto from Amalfi last weekend I caused a mild car accident. Yeap that’s right me. We had just gotten off the water taxi and we going to cross a major road at a cross walk. I was with a group of three other gals and crossing a street in groups can be annoying. “wait do we go now?” or “what if I go but she doesn’t?” so I decided that being an experience crazy street crosser I’d take the first step. I carefully stepped out only a little and as I watch the cars, I see a small brown boxy car start to slow down. The driver put his arm out the window to indicate to other drivers he was slowing down so I stepped forward and continued. I get about halfway across and BAM! The vespa behind that car crashes into and the person on it I saw sort of contort and fly off. I quickly finish crossing to street and look over to the other side where my three friends are still standing stunned and I said “well aren’t you going to cross?” Haha all the traffic had stopped at that point. I was somewhat perturbed about this situation because from what I saw the car was slowing down for me and it was really the vespa’s fault for not paying attention. Of course one gal took it upon herself to say ‘why did you cross?’ I explained to her what you just read. I’m slightly sensitive about this event because I felt as though everyone was pointing the finger at me and especially since it’ll be that stupid American girl that caused the accident. *sigh* o well I’ll never see those people again and I don’t blame myself.

The next two anecdotes are excerpts from my journal entry this past Wednesday. I decided to skip the planned tour for the day and study for an Italian test and gets some peace and quiet. I went out and sat on some grass that is next to the Duomo (the large main church in town-pictured above I would have taken more pictures of the area but the day before I 'decided' to empty the contents of my water bottle out in my backpack and drown my camera). I was there for about an hour studying successfully and then began to journal….

“Omg awkward what the heck? I have been sitting here on the grass on the side of the Duomo. Awhile ago a lady walked by and sat on the stairs just past me. I didn’t pay much attention to her…then just now I look up and I see what I assume is her husband. He walks pat me (there’s a little sidewalk cutting through the grass) and I assume he continues walking. After a little I hear rustling in the grass, look to my left to see feet next to me and look up and there he is leaning over me watching me write! I’m sure I looked surprised. I think I gave him a half smile and simultaneously looked over the woman who was smiling and walking our way. I guess I woulda said hello but I donno which language to use, there are so many languages that come through here.”

I want to also mention I looked up and the man had this big smile on his face. So odd for a stranger to do something I expect only someone I know to do! Ahh Europe

The next excerpt actually follows right after this..

“lol and now I turned around and a ways off in the grass there are two people with extremely short hair laying in the grass eating each other…and still are. And I feel as though either the person I think is a girl just has short hair.. or I’m not sure but there they are as though there is no one else in the world but them…still going…hmm…lol now this elderly man is walking by them and staring back. Ooop passing by me and saying hi in Italian? He stopped briefly and I think he realized io no capisco. And the couple is still going. Its funny how I have such a strong need to know if they are both boys, girls, or one of each. All things considered this isn’t a terrible place to lay down and make out. It’s a gorgeous day with a breeze and the grass is soft as a pillow…and they are still going. Still not convinced that they are not both guys. I wonder if they’ve realized that they have a narrator?”

My journaling goes on the ramble about other things and then I decide to get up and walk past the couple to see if I can figure out if they are boys/girls. I figured out one was definitely a girl, at leas the body of a girl but had a mannish face while the other seemed to have a more female face. Finally I sat down across the courtyard at the school (my school I’m attending here) and watched them get up: “So I’m in sight of that couple again….oh! They just stood! I think they are both girls…at least they have the anatomy of females. Hmm ok works for me.”

This third story just happened to me today and its pretty short and sweet and I find it amusing.

We have a buzzer to our apt. So someone buzzes you pick up the phone and find out who it is and you can also push buttons and let them in. An hour or so ago the buzzer went off and I expected it to be one of my roommates so I answer “hello?” and there is someone speaking Italian on the other end and I don’t understand what they are saying!! I thought they were asking for Adelita? I kept saying ‘uh no’ and again he’d say his thing ‘no…no…’ we went back and forth a couple more times and then I awkwardly just hung up. Then I realized ‘osta…p..posta! mail he’s telling me we have mail!’ lol I leaned out our front window and saw him and said ‘senor (no that’s Spanish Hope!) sinore!’ and he looked up and smiled very nicely “Posta?” “si posta” and he pointed to our door. Lol poor man. All he wanted to do was his job and let me know that we have mail and I insisted on telling him ‘no.’ lol sorry sir no I don’t want your mail. Anyhow I am still chuckling over this a bit 